Brace Face

Here I sit with a mouth full of braces. 36 years old, grumpy from the pain, starving, and $150.00 poorer from the juicer I had to buy to survive. What was I thinking? Did I need them to make me look younger? (I have been carded more often) Did I need to make my brace wearing teenager feel better about her braces? Did I just think I had thousands of dollars to burn? Who knows, the decision falls somewhere between self esteem and chronic headaches. So here I sit, trying to eat lunch, starving for a bagel sandwich. I have had my braces for 4 weeks and if I could go back, I would laugh at the dentists and say NOPE. My diet has changed drastically and it consists of juice, soup and anything non-brace threatening. Through trial and error I discover that the foods listed on my "DO NOT EAT" sheet are there for a reason. But, I am a rebel of sorts and tried to ignore the list, this is what I came up with; Candy/caramel - nope, Steak - nope, Carrots - nope, Popcorn - nope, Apples - nope, Lettuce - nope, Pickles - nope, Bread of any kind - nope, Bloody marys and red wine - not if I want my rubber bands to look clean, Sushi - nope nope nope. Here is what I found I CAN eat; soup, juice, bananas, refried or black beans (not the entire delicious burrito, just the beans on the inside) hamburger - no bun - no toppings, yogurt, ice cream and a few other soft foods here and there. It's a form of torture I've decided. They should put braces on detainees in Guantanamo Bay and tighten them each day until they talk! I will leave you know with this thought, the inventor of braces most definitely shared a college flat with the inventor of algebra...