Parker and my cooking

I made a sad attempt at lasagna and here is the conversation at the table;

Me: "This is terrible! Parker, you don't have to eat it if you don't want to."

Parker: "What! And go to bed without dinner?! I think I will take my chances!"

-small pause of silence-

Parker: "Don't worry, most of your dinners are good....wait, let me say that again, if I weren't so picky, most of the dinners you make would be good."

Parker Post

Message from Sydney;
"Mom, Parker told me she doesn't care for Dustin anymore"
Me - "Why not?"
Sydney- "She said because he thinks he can tell her what to do...."

Parker's new identity

Parker has decided that she would like to be called Alli from here on out (Her middle name) She is planning on telling the kids at school that she is Parker's twin sister and that Parker has gone to live with her dad. I asked her why the change? She responded with "Alli is more responsible and will pay attention and do better in class" .......Later that night; ME-"Wow, you're cleaning your room!" PARKER(ALLI)- "Ya, duh, that's what Alli would do. " .....as much as I would like to encourage this behavior, I'm afraid I will end up with a Cybill on my hands!

Travel Blog - DC

Dear diary, what an adventure. I was hoping that my woes would subside when I got off my first flight full of screaming babies, seriously, 3 or 4 of them. Non stop! I saw more unwanted boobs and baby butts than I could have imagined. What happened to modesty? I mean, come on mothers! Keep a little class... Then luck would have it, I had a near miss on my connecting flight. I had to haul ass to my gate and when I settled into my seat, I noticed one of the families from the previous flight. How the hell did they make it to the gate in time?! And of course their baby cried the entire flight as their toddler ran up and down the isle. I actually found myself wishing someone on the plane had a bomb hidden in their underpants. I finally arrived to DC at midnight. The cab driver was less than excited to take me to a near hotel. I can't even describe his lack of interest. No biggie though, I had big plans for my morning... I don't know why I can't figure out the metro, one train coming and one going seems simple but its not. Thank god there is a pub within walking distance!....I will leave it at that, dear diary..

Travel Blog

Day 1:
North Idaho is an interesting, far away place.....HOLY S#!*, was that a mosquito or a small bird?!....My head is heavy and my mind is weary, Starbucks are few and far between and survival for me is looking meek. I have come to realize that nobody around here is in any hurry to get anywhere. A drive that would take me 15 minutes in Boise takes me 30 up here. Maybe it's the thin air that effects the locals. I dare not tailgate or offend anyone as I have yet to see a pickup without a shotgun in the back window. I keep my head held high as I scoot through the day, until tomorrow, dear diary.....

DAY 2:
Finally a day off at the lake. I decided to go in search of an adult beverage last night and found myself at a Mexican restaurant as there is one on every corner. They are obviously occupying prime realstate that would normally belong to Starbucks. Anyway, I was enjoying a margarita and overheard a young gal talking about getting in a bar fight and knocking someone's teeth out. Apparently the fight started over who was a better 10 stepper...I've never heard of the 10 step but I imagine it is like the 2 step on crack. Good thing I wasn't at that bar last night showing off my river dance skills, I would have got my ass kicked! When I arrived back at "camp" I was alerted of a possible west nyle case. One of our campers was taken to the urgent care because he started having chest pain after he was attacked by the one of the Jurassic like mosquitos up here. The best part was that the doctor asked him if he could drop off his own blood sample at the lab on his way back to town. Apparently they do not have a full staff. I wonder if he got a break on his co pay for that....well, I think I will take a trip into town this morning and grab a donut and a bottle of whiskey. I would only have to make one stop as the local liquor store is also the town bakery. Awesome. Until tomorrow, dear diary...

DAY 3:
As I stare across the lake one last time, I see what appears to be a heap of floating hay, seriously, there's a pile of hay cruising across the water...WTF. And there's my flock of bats just above me. They have been out to greet me every morning. I thought bats were nocturnal, maybe the rabies has made them sick with confusion. Thankfully my time in north Idaho has come to an end, and It is with a heavy foot that I head south along hwy 95. Good bye deer, good bye mosquitos on steroids, good bye local liquor store/bakery/car wash in one. I can't decide what I am going to miss most... Probably the locals and the marina store and bar that has never heard of a chelada. so I purchased a bud light and a small can of clamato from them, which tastes nothing like a chelada for some reason. I will also miss the stuffed cougar that sits on the bar top staring at you while you try to enjoy your beer... All I can say is next month is going to come too soon but at least now I know where a starbucks is, and the Texas Roadhouse so the survival rate for me will greatly increase!...until next time, dear diary...

Parker Quote

Parker: "Mom, I want to apologize for the way I've been acting today. And, I hope you know it's a big deal because I'm never sorry for anything I do...."

Parker Quotes

Parker - "Mom, were you ever one of those girls that dances on a pole?"

Starbucks & Parker

Parker - "Why are we at Starbucks on a Thursday?"
Mom - "Because I didn't have to ask you to floss your teeth, or put on a coat, you didn't try to sneak anything out of the house in your backpack...."

Parker - "So this is what it feels like to do what you're supposed to?!"

TCBY & Parker

Parker - "Mom, I need some money for TCBY"
Mom - "Look in my purse"
Parker - "There's only 2 bucks in here, where's that card?"
Mom - "What card?"
Parker - "You know, that card that buys ANYTHING!"

Parker Quotes

Youth group director: "WOW Parker, you are FAST!"
Parker: "Ya, I'm fast in real life too, it's really not a big surprise."

A day in the life of Elli

-Elli: "I can't even explain the thoughts that were going through my head while I was pouring my morning coffee and I hear 'just drink your beer man' outside my kitchen window....."

New Years Resolutions

Am I the only one that doesn't have a new year resolution to get in shape? Should I feel lazy? Or, should I realize that in 2 months when everyone else gives up they will feel like failures and I will still feel the same; Fat, lazy, and happy......

Just Sayin'

I have decided that Quizno's and Joe's Crab Shack hired the same monkey to oversee their advertising & marketing......

Miss Parker's love list

Parker has released her love list of 2010. She has compiled a list of people in her family starting with the one she loves most and moving on down. Here it is;

Sydney (Her older sister)
Shabby (Our dog)
Roxy (Her dog at her dad's house)
Dustin (My boyfriend)
Mom (me)
Dad
Meg (Dad's -much younger than me- girlfriend)

She assures me not to be upset about my placing because I'm not in last place.....